My Apologies

To all those suffering from MS who have it so much worse than I do.

As you can see from Kim's comment on my last post, I apparently complain a lot. For that I am truly sorry. I know there are many who suffer far worse than I, and I DO thank my lucky stars that Fingolimod has brought my EDSS from where I was using canes and occasionally a wheelchair and had gone from relapsing every 3 months to not having a relapse in 3 YEARS.

I didn't realize I was such a complainer. I have, right in the tagline of my blog, admitted to being a hypochondriac and I'm a 9.9 on the Worrier Scale, but I didn't realize "Complainer" was my other hat I wear.

I don't do it trying to disrespect anyone else who suffers far worse than I.

And if you mean because I posted about the "buzz" I was feeling in my groin, and you think that it's a slight MS symptom that is unworthy of my worry, mention or complaint, then I have GREAT NEWS for you! IT'S NOT an MS symptom.

I had the CT on Tuesday and yesterday, while trying to shake off the worry and hang out with a friend to watch Avatar, I get a call on my cell phone from my GYN's office. Haven't spoken to them in about a year....

Apparently my PCP called them to refer me due to whatever was seen on the CT.

I won't know what's going on until after 8:45 when I go see him.

When I hung up the phone I immediately puked.

So again, I do apologize to anyone with MS worse than what I have. I am sorry that I appear ungrateful for the mild case of the disease that I have been blessed to endure. And I'm sorry that I whine about whether or not I'll be able to afford this drug which has given me back my life.

As it turns out, I may not have to worry. They may just pull me out of the trial.

Sorry to sound crabby. I don't mean to lash out. I would hate to be in ICU/CCU for MS symptoms of have ports installed for delivery of medicine, or have my child not remember that I could ever walk...

I started this blog to give hope, relieve angst, abate fear, and to let the world know that if I, The Worry Queen, can do it (the trial), anyone can. I hope in some small way I have contributed something others with MS felt was worthy of their time spent reading it. If not, my apologies.

Just because the things I fear are not as bad as what others might live, doesn't mean I'm not going to worry. Maybe I'll just do it inside my own head from now on so you don't read it as complaining....