Today marked the 1460th pill I have taken since August 20, 2007. It's been 4 years since I started this study and I'm happy to report I spent a normal, boring, uneventful day much like anyone else I know. Totally UNlike the days I spent leading up to this trial.
If you had told me 4 years ago that things COULD get better and that I wasn't necessarily on a slippery slope leading to total disability from MS, I would have maybe laughed at you. Then again maybe not as my sense of humor was severely lacking from constantly being beaten down by my MS symptoms. I didn't laugh at much of anything back then.
Today, 4 years later, here is how I spent my day...
I got up at 9:15 after laying in bed watching TV for a while, deciding if I was ready to fight my right hip which has decided to remind me that I'm 50. They say you're only as old as you feel and most of me feels 18 but that stupid hip wants me to be eating prunes, sitting in a rocker knitting a shawl because it's a bit chilly in here. So the hip won out for a short while, but then I was up and making coffee.
I checked email, took my pill, got dressed, fed the cat. All boring stuff.
Note how taking my pill is nestled nonchalantly between two other mundane normal activities. That does not go unnoticed by me. It's been four years, but every day when I pop that pill out of its blister pack I am amazed that I am fortunate enough to be JUST taking a pill.
Used to be my morning went: get up, eat breakfast, get dressed, FRET OVER MY SHOT, fiddle fart around, PUT THE SHOT OFF, run errands, do other stuff and finally some time before bed, DO THE SHOT. It was the least favorite part of my day and was always dramatic and stressed me out.
But I digress. I took my son to the shoe store to get his back to school tennis shoes and since they were having a BOGO sale (well actually BOGOHO but that doesn't sound like something you should say in mixed company. The second pair was 1/2 off, suffice it to say) I found myself trying on high heels. My son was totally distressed about it. He said "that's not YOU, Mom! You look too weird! Take them off!!" And I said "Why do they not look like me? I think they're cute!"
His response? "You are flip flops and sneakers, Mom, not high heels." All I can say is he has only ever known the MS me and not the younger healthier me who loved to wear heels. I did end up putting the heels back on the shelf and got a Hello Kitty purse for my granddaughter instead. The purse will get more use than the heels would have, but the point is that it was a day where I actually dared to think it might be possible.
There have been so many things that MS has stolen from me over the years that even something so simple as putting 2 shoes on my feet in a store and standing there, not falling down, seemed like such a major accomplishment. Sure, maybe I'd look silly in them and I would never buy them, but the feeling I got of knowing I COULD if I wanted to...well that was priceless.
I also went to the parts store and carted the old battery from the lawn mower inside and exchanged it for a new one which I carried out and plopped in the trunk. Another boring, normal thing most anyone might do. Unless they walked with two canes like I used to. Those days may be fading farther and farther into the past but the memory of those times, and the realization of what a gift I have been given is always right near the surface of my mind.
People who have never know illness, or disability can maybe never fully appreciate the simple things. But once you have been there, if you are ever blessed with a new taste of normalcy, you will relish the little moments.
I felt the hug of my son today as he came in to see if I was okay after I had napped for a couple hours. There was no numbness as he wrapped his arms around me.
There was no excitement in my life today. It was boring and normal and just another day. Thank God I am so blessed. Normal is the most wondrous feeling of all.
Here's hoping for another 4 boring years. :)